We Didn't Quit, We Paused

Seven months ago, we stepped away.

Not because we quit. Because life demanded everything, we had grief from losing a grandmother who was the heartbeat of our family, sleepless nights with a brand new baby, and a season of stagnation neither one of us saw coming until we looked in the mirror and barely recognized ourselves.

But we're back. And Season 2 starts right here.

In this episode, Rashaad and Chade pull back the curtain on everything the last seven months taught them: the joy of welcoming Chloe into the world, the exhaustion of parenting again from scratch, the empty chair at Thanksgiving that cracked something open in Shaad's chest, and the quiet depression that hides behind the words "I'm fine."

They also get into what this season is really about: systems. Not complicated ones. Just the small daily decisions that keep your house, your faith, your finances, and your mental health from falling apart when life gets loud.

If you've been feeling behind, this episode is your reminder that you're exactly where you're supposed to be. But grace without movement is just an excuse. Pick the baton up. Start where you are.

This is G.A.M.E. — Giving All My Experience. Season 2. Let's grow.

Topics covered in this episode:

• Welcoming Chloe and the real experience of parenting again
• Grief, the empty chair, and the depression you don't see coming
• Why does your patience run out at home but not at work
• Building systems for your parenting, spiritual, financial, and personal life
• Valentine's Day without the pressure and why the small things matter more
• A word for everyone who feels like they're behind

New episodes every Tuesday at 6 am EST.

Follow us on Instagram: @givingallmyexperience 

Follow us on TikTok: @Gamepodcast_

Follow Rashaad on Twitter: @_ShardyJ 

Follow Chade on Instagram: @Chadewilliams__

Follow Rashaad on Instagram: @_Rashaad.Williamssr

Subscribe, leave a review, and share this with somebody who needs a reset.

Transcript

Season Two Return And Life Update

SPEAKER_02 0:07

What's going on, everybody? It's your boy Rashad with another episode of Given All of My Experience. But this episode is uh exciting because it's the episode of season two. I know that we have been gone for seven months. We're gonna talk about all of that into this episode. I know I had some people ask me, like, bro, did y'all quit podcasting? Because I haven't seen you guys post anything on your Instagram page. We did not quit. We just took a break. Uh, for people who watched us in season one, know that my grandmother passed away in March. And our last episode was in July, and right after we recorded that last episode, we pretty much got into getting ready for Chloe to be introduced into this world. We had her August the 19th of last year. So after we pretty much had her, it was just taking care of our baby, um, getting our minds right, and trying to figure out a game plan on how we were going to get to this moment that we're at right now. Uh so with that being said, how has Motherhood treated you, Shade?

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Um, I would say Motherhood has treated me fair. Um, this experience was different than my last two experiences. Um farther than just being full-time. Um I guess breastfeeding, you would say. Um doing that full-time, but then it shortly ended um at month four.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

I was about to say a lot of people make it seem like you've been breastfeeding the full time.

Finding Purpose After Grief

SPEAKER_00 1:39

My goal was to hit six months, but then I became exhausted. So it shortly ended um at month four. But I was proud of myself for going as long as I did do, um then just readjust adjusting to having four kids and then now having five messiahs, um being going from being the baby to now he's considered the big brother. So him, you know, still seeking that attention that he wanted he once had, um and then just overall becoming the mom again is different in itself, so like learning a new child and um sleepless nights, of course, and then early mornings, so but overall it's been great.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

The sleepless nights I I can't really attest to because I'm knocked out. Yes, I'm knocked out, but what I will say being a parent again has been a struggle. I'm so used to being able to come home and like decompress because everybody can fend for themselves. But now it's like you gotta come home and you still want to do the things that you want to do, but you have to cater to another human being. And she is very demanding, like someone I know.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Pretty much.

Patience Tested At Home And Work

SPEAKER_02 3:11

So, yeah, I mean, um, outside of just readjusting and being a parent again, I will say um my last, I would say, yeah, last seven months have just been me finding my purpose again. Um, when my grandmother passed away, it definitely took a lot out of me. Um, I pushed through it. I thought that I was okay, but I really wasn't okay. Um, and the reason I I figured that out, I would say it was Thanksgiving. We went to my grandmother's house to celebrate Thanksgiving, because that's what we're always at at grandma's house. And the entire time I was there, I was just sitting and staring at her chair because I just remember like a couple months ago, like you was chilling, sitting in that chair, laughing and joking. So it was just like, you know, before we decided to start recording again, I took the time over the last few months just to re-watch episodes, critique us on the things that we didn't do and the things that we did do. And I just looked at where I was at, uh, my physical presence, face a little slimmer, body was a little slimmer. Um, then just where I was at mentally, and I realized, like, bro, you're not even that same individual anymore. And I know people probably listening to this or looking at the video, like, why would you want to be a person you were in the past? It's not about being stuck in my past. It was just more so about I seen where that person was headed, and I see where I'm at now. And right now, all I can see is stagnation because I haven't been working out. Um, we haven't even been reading our Bible like we were. Uh, we just got back into praying nightly because of us being in Lent currently, and that was one of the things that we wanted to do. Um, so it's just a lot of things that we haven't been doing, and I know one of the things that I haven't been doing um is just being true to who I am. So, right now it's just me getting out of this season of being stagnant um and being depressed because I didn't even realize that I were I was depressed in certain stages. Um, so you just just getting over that and glad to be in this space because this is actually a part of my therapy for me because I actually get to get it out. I all the stuff that I'm like I yap out during the podcast is in my head most of the time. So having this space, um, having this time with Sade, uh it's it's definitely helpful. Uh the the last thing I will say uh over these last seven months I realized is that my patience level like sucks. Like I have patience a little bit, but my patient level is horrible. And having a new baby, dealing with four boys on top of the new baby, it is testing my patience like to the max. Like, how how is your patience in this during this time of change that we're experiencing right now?

SPEAKER_00 5:57

It is better. My patience has actually um increased. Uh there was a point in time where I only felt like I had patience at my workplace because of course I'm being paid to have patience to deal with another child that is not mine. Um, and then I would come home and I wouldn't have as much patience as I thought I should for my own children. And that would at times bother me because I feel like if I'm dealing with someone else's child, I should definitely have patience for my own. But um I will admit it was it wasn't there um as much as I would like for it to have been, but having a newborn baby has um allowed me to have that patience. Um, like I said in the beginning, um I don't even think I mentioned it, but this year for Messiah has been one of the hardest years for Cameron and Curtis. They it's like a walk in the park for them because they have already um been in the role of being a big brother. So this is multiple times. So this is not new to them, but this is new to Messiah. So um having Chloe gaining that new um set of patience for her, and then gaining patience for Messiah and his time of challenges throughout this school year and at home um has definitely helped me a lot. And it helped me with the older kids too, because I now have to um understand their frustration, they're getting older, they have things that they don't want to talk about, and I am learning to be patient in those seasons where they don't want to talk to me or come to me. So patience is definitely one of the things that I have definitely started to work on and still learning about.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

No, the the patience thing, uh it is very virtue. Um, I know for you it's kind of hard because you have to be patient at work all the time, no matter the circumstances. Like you can't even show your true mom identity, and then it's like you gotta come home and you don't want to be like overly mom because you still want to show them some grace. Because you like you just said, it's like I I show all this patience and grace with kids that I work with, but then with my own, I'm like hitting them in the head with a hammer, basically.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Yeah, like very hot, high tempered. But I think also for work is it's like they teach you different ways because I I have to still I'm not I'm patient, but there's still some um discipline behind my patient my way of doing things at work. So what I do is I take the discipline, my way of discipline, and how I do things at work, and I bring it some of it I bring home, not all of it, because not all of it works, not all.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

I'm gonna keep my comment to myself. I'm gonna just remember what I said I'm gonna do with Yelp.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

Leave a Yelp review. Uh outside of patience, I would say one of the biggest things that I've uh started to realize during this transition of being a uh like a new baby parent. I won't say I think we said new parent, it's like we already are parents, but we have a new baby, so a new baby parent, if that would make sense.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

Yeah, you become a parent again.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Yeah, you do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

So this is a different child, different experience.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

One thing I realized is that we we sucked with having the system. Like we don't have any type of system. Uh, we just go with the flow. Whatever the day presents is whatever happens. And we never really realized how big a system played the pat played uh an impact in our lives, uh, spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Um, and you would think like just a person sitting back listening to this, maybe you might be riding in your your car or you watching it on YouTube, sitting down on your couch. Um, systems are very important. Uh, not just systems that you set in place for like work, but like systems for your personal life. So just to give you kind of like a sneak peek of what takes place in our house is that technically I'm supposed to be up in the morning at 4.30, like five o'clock to get to work by six, but I'm out the door at five at 6.45 and I get to work like 7.30. Um, just the the graces of being the boss. Um when I get home, is it probably about like 5, 5.30. As soon as I get home, the kids are like running right behind me because I did keep bivada a few doors behind me. And my decompression time is in the bathroom. Like, that's the best time I get to myself. It's like that's the only time I get to myself. And we just go whatever, whatever the flow is that day. Like some days, Sade may come home, the house is clean, dinner's already being cooked, and bottles are cleaned, and the night is prepped. Then someday Sade comes home and I'm laying on the couch exhausted. Nothing's done, nothing's prepped. And I say all that to say is that it's like when you build a system, you're able to keep things in order, not only for yourself, but for your house, because what you don't realize is that you don't have a system, so now your house is chaotic. The kids are taking showers whenever they feel like it because you haven't really put a system in place. But when you put those things into place, it makes your life, it makes your life a lot easier. And where I'm going at it with is that it's like for me, you know, we're trying to become content creators. Uh, we potentially want to become a business owner, and it's like we're working nine to fives, and we're not creating any time for ourselves in between that five to nine period to be able to build, to be able to do whatever we want to do. And like I just said to you guys earlier in the episode, I haven't worked out. Well, only one of the main reasons why I haven't worked out is because I haven't even put a system in place for me to work out. You know, when I was working out consistently, we had a game plan where Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'll get home X amount of time, X time, get the kids situated, and I was able to leave my phone here when I seen Shaw. They was like five minutes from the house, and I would just run to the gym because I knew she was pulling up right behind me. But now with us having a newborn, you can't do that. Like you can't just leave the house.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

They'll be calling the police.

Building Routines That Actually Stick

SPEAKER_02 12:24

Yeah, definitely be calling the police. Definitely be calling the police. So I say that to say to everybody out there, man. Um, develop a system. Even if you don't have any kids, you don't even understand how crucial that is for your life. I'm sorry I don't have an example of a system because we're just telling you our truths of where we are right now. We don't have a system. Or do you have an ex uh example?

SPEAKER_00 12:49

It's a preschool system. All right, we'll give the preschool system. Even just like think of it like this like you have to have a system. You if a if a toddler can have a system, like where is it in? Let's say, for example, you have uh a list of things that they have to do in the morning. They have to first wake up. What do they first do when they wake up? They brush their teeth, wash their face, and then they go in their room, they put on their pants first, their shirt, their socks. That's even a system. It's as small as that, like just something as small as that, putting that in place for yourself. And that's for an example for a person who doesn't have children, and then you just do small like that things like that, and then you start off by adding things like maybe if you're a tea person, you add that okay before I put anything on my stomach, like it's what Rashad is doing. I'm gonna drink a hot cup of water with lemon or anything that you want to infuse your water with. Your system. I mean, but it's a system that you have. Um and then if you have kids, I feel like I have kind of a system. I get up, I'll get Cameron and Curtis and the older kids up first, and then I come downstairs. Well, I get myself dressed and then I get Chloe together. By the time I'm done doing all that, the kids are coming downstairs with their coats.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

Yeah, so it sounds like you got a system. It sounds like I'm the one that don't have the system.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

It's a small system that I'm that had to be had to be worked on, of course, because it was not this easy in the beginning when I first went back to work. I was running around here like a chicken with my head cut off.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

Yeah, I was drinking going back to work those eight weeks off.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

It was really bad. So I feel like the more the more you're consistent, the more you'll like start to see your system form. I feel like we're creating a system as we're go as we go along the way because we're still learning Chloe. Some days are different with her, and some days Rasha can get her and she's asleep when you know, coming from day two. That's true. And then other days she's awake and she's like, You at the mercy of Chloe. Yeah. So like I feel like us right now, our system is gonna be developing until shoot, she turns one, honestly. And even when she turns one, we're still gonna be building even new systems. So I feel like for us, far as an us, we are constantly adding different things to our system because we're still learning this child, you know, that's me. This is why all of our attention.

SPEAKER_02 15:39

This is why you need a great partner. You see how I was about to like segue in something else, and she just came and gave y'all this entire explanation on systems.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

I think that's the preschool teacher. We have to have a system at our schools.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

Well, I'm gonna just piggyback on Sade thing before we segue into something different. If you don't have a system, the system will affect your life in multiple ways. It won't just affect how you sleep, it won't just affect uh, you know, how you feel, it would affect your spiritual being because, like she just said, with Chloe having so many different schedules. We I want to say the first two days of Lent was able to pray like 9:30, 10 o'clock. But then you get to the third day, Chloe decided to stay up to 11:45. So we fell asleep and I woke up the next morning like, oh shoot, we didn't even do no prayer before we went to sleep. And it wasn't even intentional. It was just because, for like we just said, we don't have a system in place, and our system right now is uh being dictated by Chloe.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

Yeah, basically.

SPEAKER_02 16:40

Yeah, I think the only time things worked out in our favor with Chloe was Valentine's Day. Remember Valentine's like Valentine's Day, she literally slept the entire afternoon. I think we got out of bed, what, like seven o'clock?

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Yeah, that also was the weekend.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

Okay, it was the weekend. So we what you feel like because we tired it out, tired out most of the day.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Yeah, she's with yeah, I feel like that was a part of it. And then just like I feel like the weekends also leave you like a little bit of that wiggle room, whereas during the workday, you literally have between the hours of six and what ten to get all of these things in. And I say ten because for us, realistically, we're not in bed until 10 o'clock. Our kids are in bed at 9:30, but so we have that space. That's not a lot of time, but we manage to put a lot in. You know, a lot in within that time frame. So um I feel like weekends are definitely more flexible than the weekdays um for our system.

Weekends, Bandwidth, And Flexibility

SPEAKER_02 17:52

Yeah, okay. I I'll give you that. Um, one of the things I have, uh, of course, we all know that was has been a topic over the last couple weeks has been um Valentine's Day. How do you feel like your Valentine's Day went?

Valentine’s Day Without The Hype

SPEAKER_00 18:05

I had a great Valentine's Day. I'm not a big person when it comes to Valent like these particular holidays, because I feel like every day is a day to Valentine's Day is just not for couples. It's honestly to share love with your neighbor, with your friends, with whomever you feel like at that point in time that you should share your love with. So my Valentine's Day was special because I was able to spend that day with not only just you, but I was able to spend it with Chloe, with Messiah. I would have even been even more happy if we had all of our kids here, you know, with us. Um, but my Valentine's Day was great. We, like I said, we spent the whole day together and then we went out to the store. Um, I think we even cleaned, we deep cleaned the house together, which always makes us. I know it makes me happy because my house is clean. And it smells good. And then we went out to the market, picked up what, some steaks. We had sides already here. Um, we were able to get the kids down early. Kudos to the weekend. See, that's what I mean. You can do a lot on the weekend. No, you could definitely do a lot of weekends. Definitely more flexible on the weekend. So I'm glad Valentine's Day fell on a weekend and not a weekday. Because if all in on a weekday would have just been, we would have got some stuff done, but it just would have been all over the place.

SPEAKER_02 19:34

Yeah, I feel like we we had, and then on top of that too, well, I was off on Monday because of President's Day. Yes. You had to work. Unfortunately, I had to it it was a lot easier for me because I really got to chill um a lot for Valentine's Day. One of the things I will say about Valentine's Day for me is that I feel like Valentine's Day is overrated. Um, I don't really see the hype around Valentine's Day, and that's just me personally, because I feel like if you do the right thing, the things that you're supposed to do for the other 364 days throughout the year, that that one date really truly doesn't matter, but people make it such a big deal. But the one thing I will say to back up my statement is that everybody's situation is different. Yeah, everybody's situation is different. My wife is very simplistic. Uh, like she just told you, we cleaned the house all of Valentine's Day. We ran to the market at like eight o'clock, grabbed some steak, uh, some other stuff. And I love like scotch and whiskey, so we have like a plethora of different bottles of whiskey and scotch in here to pick through. And I think we had had McCullin that night. Yeah, so it was like for us, it was just a regular day for us. We didn't really care too much about the fact that it was Valentine's Day.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Three movies.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

Yeah, we did watch three movies.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

We watched two new, one old.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

Yeah, it watched all about the Benjamins and the night all about the Benjamins. That's a great movie right there.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

Fuddy, classic.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

No, so I mean, I would say for those out there who do take uh Valentine's Day serious, um, man, if you just put in the work all the other days of the year, you really wouldn't have to worry about the one day. But um, I'm pretty sure I think you touched on it because we actually tried to record a couple days ago. Um, and I think Shade said something about she wanted to go out next year, get dressed up and go and go out. But I don't think it's gonna happen because she's gonna forget. I wanna remember, but she's gonna forget.

SPEAKER_00 21:36

I am not going to forget. You think I am, but I'm not.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

Oh, you already got it saved in your Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

Put some heels, dress, put on some slacks, button down, dress shoes. Go out.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Go out?

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Yeah. Get a meal.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Head to town.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

Come back home.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Head to town.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

I don't know about hitting no town, but Yeah, we can go out. Go out where?

SPEAKER_01 22:11

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Next topic.

SPEAKER_02 22:17

Well, the next topic is actually us closing it out. That's the next topic.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Well, that's why. Okay.

You Are Not Behind: Just Start

SPEAKER_02 22:25

Yeah, the next topic is actually us closing us out. And um with us closing it out, I will tell people who are listening to this or watching to this that you are you are not behind. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. Um God wouldn't have placed you in the situation that you're in right now, whatever you're going through, if this is this isn't where you were supposed to be. I think that we get so caught up into thinking that we're supposed to have the 800 credit score, drive the nice car, have to pick a fence by a certain age, but it doesn't work out like that, is wherever you're at in life right now is where God intended to have you. And what I will say to counteract that is that if you feel like you're behind, just start. Just put one foot in front of the other and just begin. Um, that's literally why we're sitting right here recording right now. Um, we came up with multiple excuses over the last couple months on why we couldn't record. And I just think it's because we're both perfectionists. Like we everything has to be right, like Chloe had to be sleep, X, Y, and Z. But just start. Just start. Just like how Nike has it as their slogan, just do it. Because you don't even know what's gonna happen. Um, maybe you do it and you think it sucked, and God found 10 people who thought it was powerful and now look, you don't know where it's gonna take you. So I would just say that before we close out the day. If you feel like you're behind, you're right where you're supposed to be. You got anything for people?

SPEAKER_00 23:54

Um I would say give yourself some grace, be patient with yourself, um, be very present in moments, um, good and bad, because even in the bad, there's something that you were supposed to learn and take from that experience. Um, like Shad said, just start. And one thing that I am learning that even if you started last week and um let's say this week you have a couple of hiccups, don't look at it as, oh, I have to start over. No, you're just picking the baton up from where you left off. Um, so be patient with yourself, give yourself some grace, don't put too much pressure on yourself. Um, do not go through the rabbit hole of comparing yourself to others and looking at where other people are or where they're going because you do not know their story and what they had to go through to get to that place. So that's it.

Grace, Comparison, And Next Steps

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Yeah, I like that. Um, if you would like to keep up with us on a personal level, um, I am on Instagram at underscore reshad.william senior. That's literally like all one word. I know it's a lot, it'll be in the descriptions. And I'm also on Twitter, which I will never call it X. I am on Twitter at underscore uh shoddyj with a capital J. You want to tell everybody where they can find you for your personal accounts?

SPEAKER_00 25:24

Um, yes. So I have two personal accounts. Um one is you can find me at Shod A Williams underscore underscore or you can find follow me on my other personal page. It's my name spelt backwards. Three E's D A H.

SPEAKER_02 25:41

Why does she need two pages?

SPEAKER_00 25:43

Well, one was originally just my personal page, and then the Shod A Williams with the two underscores was my page where I did my Tuesday talks and my testimony Tuesday. And then it became Wisdom Wednesday. And it's soon to become, as I talked about last season, the becoming table.

SPEAKER_02 26:08

But that's another another topic for another episode.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

Yes.

Where To Find Us And Schedule

SPEAKER_02 26:12

Yeah. So if you want to keep up with our podcast pages, you can just follow us on Instagram at giving all of my experience. That's all one word. Um, we really appreciate for the people who reached out to us over the last seven months that just ask how we were doing, asked about the podcast, and just let me know that we actually had people that was like invested and really wanted to see or see and hear what we were talking about. So I definitely appreciate you guys. Um, we will be back uh every Tuesday at 6 a.m. I don't know how many episodes, but we're just gonna record until God tells us to get ready for season three. Um, we really appreciate you guys, like we said, until we see you guys next time. I am your host, Rashad.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

And I'm your host, Ashade.